if you like me you must not know who I am
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I deserve this hangover.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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