I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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