I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
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