Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
