Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
