i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
