If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
