i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
