he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
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