Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
