I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
