he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
