he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
