Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
