HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
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