hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize