Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
thus making me awesome and them whores
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just gift wrapped bread.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
