dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
