I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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