very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
