your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
