We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
