so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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