I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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