tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
