Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
