he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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