It's Friday. Sex?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
