3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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