On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
