I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
