after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
