My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
