i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
