so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
