You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
