Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Sorry about my life...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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