i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm too high and old for this...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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