I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
i believe in u and ur pee
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
