Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
