Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Randomize
