I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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