On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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