it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
