I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm like, not good at living.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
