I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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