I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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