Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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