so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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