I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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