Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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