I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Randomize
