i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
