maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
