I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
