And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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