at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
