Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I think I just sharted jello shots
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
