This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
