I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
