You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
