we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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