So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Randomize
