"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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