I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
