So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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