Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
it's great music for shaving your balls
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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