Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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