highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
