6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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