p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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