He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
