how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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