Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
