Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
