I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
