The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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